


Tell me you love me, but make sure it's the truth.

by WorldaccordingtoEm



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aziraphale Has a Penis (Good Omens), Budding Love, Crowley Has A Vulva (Good Omens), Crowley Has Long Hair (Good Omens), Eventual Smut, Friendship/Love, Gender Dysphoria, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Genderfuid Crowley, He/Him Aziraphale, Idiots in Love, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Love Confessions, Multi, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, love is love, they/them crowley
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:07:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25251361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WorldaccordingtoEm/pseuds/WorldaccordingtoEm
Summary: Crowley has just gotten out of an abusive relationship, when they moves into a new apartment to start their new life. While exploring their new surroundings. They notice an angelic being working at a bookshop. What crazy adventure could be in store for these two.Eventual smut!I am non-binary and I thought it would be fun to explore Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship from an alternative universe perspective, and a perspective where Crowley is gender fluid.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

This was a new apartment, a new job, and they were open to new possibilities. Crowley stood in the lift holding the last last box of their things from the move. They were excited to start decorating their new flat. The bruises on Crowley’s arms had been a result of the final fight from their last relationship. Crowley had finally been strong enough to leave their abusive boyfriend, Ligur. Crowley saved up money for months so they could afford this flat. They even left their old job and from some support from their friends, they filed a restraining order against Ligur. After months of fighting hopefully Crowley could grow and move on with their life. 

Crowley got out of the lift and walked into their new flat. It was quiet and exactly what they needed. After putting the last box down on the new couch Crowley cranked up the ‘fuck him’ break up playlist that Belz and Dagon made for them and started making this place their own. 

***  
In a bookshop in Soho, Aziraphale worked at putting a new LGBTQ fictional love story, Foxglove, in the window. Although he didn’t really advertise it, this particular bookshop in Soho has been a safe haven for lgbtq people since Aziraphale took over the shop, years prior to the legalization of homosexual marriage. Even though he didn’t advertise it, there were small rainbow and trans flags behind the counter and a rather angelic southern pansy running the place, but Aziraphale always ran the place as a welcome and inclusive spot for people who liked books. And although he didn’t believe it to be a big deal, many people who had been helped out by his kindness would call him the angel of the lgbtq. 

***  
Crowley awoke with a lot still to do to make this flat feel like home. But one way they knew how to make this place feel like home is to get some plants. So they decided to take a drive around and learn the new towns around their house. Crowley found a lovely little flower shop in Soho. As they were leaving the shop with an arm full of flowers they were taken aback by a sight across the street. A man that could bloody well be an angel caught their eye. Feeling especially brave today, they decided to put the new flowers in the Bentley and walk across to that angelic beauty. 

The bell announced a customer’s entrance just as Aziraphe finished placing the last book in the window. He turned to welcome the customers. There standing before him was this tall figure, cladded in all black with fire red hair tucked into a beanie. They were stunning even with their eyes covered by black sunglasses. Aziraphale was in shock and awe at this gorgeous creature. But eventually he got at least one of his brain cells to work so he could greet them.  
A: Welcome my dear, are you looking for anything in particular? 

Crowley stood there a little in awe themselves. An actual angel, soft and kind. It also took Crowley’s mind a minute to catch up to the fact that the angel had spoken. 

C: Uhm no, I think I am just looking.  
A: Okay dear, let me know if you need any help.  
Aziraphale walked back behind the counter and tried to subtly look up and down this lovely, lengthy creature. Crowley, still trying to get their brain to function, took one last look at the man and then went down a random aisle. 

Aziraphale was still secretly admiring the person walking around his shop when he realized it was time for lunch. What was he going to do? He was starting to get peckish, but he couldn’t ask the person to leave and he couldn’t just eat food in front of them without offering them some. That’s it, he should ask them to get some lunch together. It won’t be like a date, he thought, more like taking a new friend to lunch. 

A: Um excuse me.  
Crowley popped their head from around a corner.  
C: Hmm  
A: I am terribly sorry to interrupt you but it’s time for lunch.  
C: Oh god I am so sorry I didn’t mean to stay so late, I’ll get out of your hair so you can eat.  
A: it’s no problem my dear. Actually I was wondering if you would like to join me for some lunch.  
C: Oh uhm yeah, sure, that sounds nice. I am Crowley by the way. Figured you should know my name if we are to be friends.  
A: Wonderful!! My name is Aziraphale.  
C: wow now that’s a name with a mouthful. Azi, Azirl, how do you pronounce it again?  
Giggling to himself, Aziraphale corrected Crowley.  
A: it’s pronounced Aziraphale, but it is truly a mouthful. That’s why my friends call my Azi.  
C: Azi. But if you ask me people should be calling you angel. You rather look angelic.  
Aziraphale had a blush starting to grow on his face as he dried to avert his eyes from Crowley’s shades.  
A: Actually Aziraphale is the name of an angel.  
C: That settles that. So angel where do you want to go to lunch?  
***  
They settled on an Italian restaurant down the block from the bookshop. After they were seated and ordered they struck up a nice conversation. 

C: Angel, I couldn’t help but notice that you had a rainbow and a trans flag behind the counter. That’s lovely that you support the LGBTQ community.  
A: Oh dear they don’t call me THE southern pansy for me to just support the community.  
Crowley nearly spit out his water at that comment.  
C: Angel!! Hahah  
A: What it’s true and most people know. By the way my dear I never asked what your preferred pronouns are.  
C: Oh thank you for asking. I prefer they/them but when I present more masculine like now I don’t completely mind when people use he/him, or she/her when I dress more feminine. Do you ask everyone you meet?  
A: I will do my best my dear to use they/them pronouns but please do tell me when you would prefer me to use a different one. I primarily use he/him. And I usually ask everyone but sometimes I can tell specific people who I should definitely ask to ensure I use the right ones. I have tried to make my bookshop feel like a safe space for people. So sometimes people come in and I use one pronoun for them and then they may ask me to use another one to try out how it sounds and it helps with them coming to terms with their true self.  
C: I think that’s beautiful, Angel. That must help a lot of people. I am sure it would have done a lot of good for me a long time ago.  
Aziraphale wanted to ask Crowley more questions, especially about their coming out and realizing that they were... trans, gender queer, gender fluid? He would have to ask later about what they preferred. But the food had been placed in front of them. 

The pair ate with light conversation between them. They talked about how Crowley was going to be teaching at the local uni, and how Aziraphale had inherited the bookshop from his grandparents. Aziraphale was amazed when Crowley told him that they taught astrophysics but his real love was just plain astronomy. Crowley was interested in looking at different astronomy and horticulture books Aziraphale said he had at the bookshop. 

When lunch was finished Crowley walked Aziraphale back to the bookshop. But upon seeing the time Crowley politely declined Aziraphale’s offer to come in again. They still had a lot of unpacking to do. But they assured Aziraphale this was not the last he would see of them.


	2. Chapter 2

Crowley thought about the angel the whole drive home. That’s a lie, Crowley thought about their new “friend” the angel, all the way to their apartment door. It wasn’t until they opened the door and heard the screams of their friends “SURPRISE”. Pulled from their angelic day dream, Crowley looked in awe at their friends standing in their living room. 

Crowley’s two best friends Belz and Dagon, had come early to help them move into the new apartment. They had been friends since they were young kids. They had all helped each other grow and come out. All three had discovered they were trans. Belz was the first one to identify as non-binary. Belz never felt comfortable as a female and anyone who met them knew that by looking at them. They always dressed more masculine and rejected anything feminine. 

As Belz rejected feminine things, Dagon longed to wear feminine clothing. Dagon was born in the wrong body. Born as a male, named Dragon, they never felt comfortable with being “one of the boys”. Growing up they didn’t feel like they were like the other boys and didn’t like playing with them. Dagon didn’t identify with he/him pronouns or the set of standards put in place for them. They had a long way to go to self identification and acceptance. 

The three met in primary school. Outcast by the other children the three created a bond that would be unbreakable. They accepted each other for who they were regardless of biological sex, gender identity/expression, or sexual orientation. They helped each other grow and evolve into the people they were meant to be. 

By the end of secondary school, the group was going by their new pronouns to each other and living closer to their true selves. To the rest of the school the three of them looked like goth outcasts. But they had each other and that’s all that mattered. 

It was Dagon and Belz who noticed Crowley’s last relationship was becoming more and more abusive. It wasn’t till the pair took Crowley away for a fun weekend, that they noticed all the bruises. They all sat down and Belz and Dagon talked to Crowley about what Ligur was doing to them. Dagon looked good Belz. Both had a pained expression on their face that someone who said they loved their friend was hurting them. So they told Crowley that they were in an unhealthy relationship and they helped Crowley make a plan to leave Ligur. 

The trio had been through so much together. And now it was time for Crowley to tell their very best friends about the angel.   
**** 

Aziraphale walked into the bookshop and locked the door behind him. He figured he had been open long enough today, and it was time to close the shop. He had more pressing things to attend too. 

Aziraphale had always known he was gay. His parents were in denial, always thinking he just needed to find the right girl. But his grandfather knew his truth and no matter who Aziraphale fell in love with, his grandfather insisted that he learn to be a gentleman. 

However, Aziraphale didn’t have an easy life. He struggled with accepting himself. The teasing from bullies through most of his schooling didn’t help, neither did the lack of support from past partners. The last of whom was Gabriel, a businessman without a heart. Or at least that’s what Aziraphale friends, Anathema and Deidre, thought. Gabriel was verbally abusive to Aziraphale, he mocked Aziraphale about everything he did. From his weight, his book obsession, how he was too kind to people, and how much of a pansy he was. Eventually Gabriel got tired of Aziraphale and left Anathema and Deidre the pieces to rebuild Aziraphale. 

So they were hesitant when Aziraphale called them over to discuss the very striking customer that he had taken to lunch. They were excited that Aziraphale was finally moving on from Gabriel, but they had their reservations on anyone he had feelings for.   
***   
It was a week before Crowley went back to see Aziraphale. They had to wait till Crowley finished setting up their new apartment and office at the university. But when they did reunite the alcohol and the conversations flowed like they had never been apart. Maybe a little too much flowing of alcohol. They were in the back of the bookshop lounging in the back room. 

C: ...So then I said…, Oh no wait whot was I saying?  
A: My dear I haven’t the slightest idea.   
C: Ha so you mean you have let me bloody well drag on this whole time?   
A: Well you do have a lovely sounding voice.  
C: NGK, uh thank you angel.  
A: You are most welcome my dear. Oh, I never asked how are you getting on in your new apartment?  
C: The new place is getting along. Starting to feel more like home. But I fear I could never get it as homey as you get your bookshop to feel.   
A: It is quite homey isn’t it.   
C: Mmhh, your partner must love it.  
A: Oh my dear, I don’t have a partner. I am quite single actually. Have been for some time.   
C: Whot!?!?!?! But you're like a literal angel!   
A: (a blush had bloomed on aziraphales face) thank you my dear but not many share your same views.   
C: Idiots! All of them! They should be so lucky!   
A: Darling I think you have had enough to drink.  
C: hm… maybe you’re right angel. (going to stand up and ultimately failing and falling back on the couch.) I should go call a cab.   
A: Oh no my dear, you are in no state. Why don't you just stay here and sleep it off.   
C: Is that really okay with you, angel?  
A: Of course dear!   
*** 

A few weeks later the pair was back in the back room of the bookshop. This time minus the drinks, they had had quite enough for a while last time. Classes were going to be starting soon and Crowley had much to talk about with Aziraphale. As they were talking there was a loud bang on the door to the bookshop.   
A: I wonder who that could be.  
C: Someone who apparently can’t read.  
A: Indeed! I’ll go see who it is, it could be a book emergency or someone in need of some help.   
C: I’ll be here. Unless it's someone from the university, then I am most certainly not here!

Aziraphale went to the front door. He could see two rather lange gentlemen standing at the door. The two men were dressed in dark, dingy clothing and the lighter hair man was smoking a cigarette. Aziraphale opened the door with a pleasant face and said to the two men “ I am terribly sorry but we are not open right now.” The two men proceeded to push past Aziraphale and stand in the center of the bookshop. The darker haired man proceeded to look Aziraphale up and down and then around the shop before addressing Aziraphale, while the light haired man continued to smoke his cigarette in the bookshop. 

Dark Haired man (DHM): So, where is she?   
A: Um what?   
DHM: I said where is she? You stupid or something? I know she comes in here.  
A: There are no women here. And as I have already told you we are closed.  
DHM: Oh okay if the bitch wants to hide for now that's fine. I just wanted her to know that she can't hide from me. I told her I would find her. Hey do you mind giving her a message for me? Tell her if she comes back and promises to behave like a good girl, I’ll consider taking her back. 

Aziraphale stood there, straight faced realizing that this man must have been the reason   
Crowley just moved and that the female he was referring to was supposed to be Crowley. 

DHM: Oh and just a heads up for you buddy, if you’re trying to bang her, you’re in for a surprise. She may be able to flatten her chest when she wants to look like a guy, but trust me down there she’s all woman. Just so you don’t get too disappointed when you want a hot dog but only get a taco. Stupid bitch could never be the guy you want, man. Don't bother with her. 

Aziraphale stood as still as a statue as the two men exited the bookshop. He made sure to take a minute and collect his thoughts of what had just happened before making sure he dead bolted the door. Still replaying the one sided conversation he was kinda part of, he walked back to the back room. It hadn’t occurred to him that Crowley heard the whole conversation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late... life am I right?!?! Craziness going on in the world. But hope you enjoy.

Aziraphale walked back to the back room. “The nerve of some people. I mean really. Can you believe that Crowley?” Aziraphale said before stopping dead in his tracks when faced with the panicked mess that was Crowley. Crowley’s entire body had become cold and clammy. They were staring off into the distance, rocking and mumbling to themself. “How did he find me? What am I going to do? What is he going to do? Why confront me here?” As Crowley repeated these questions to themself, Aziriphale understood a little more of the situation. Aziraphale knew Crowley had just moved and he believed he had just discovered why. 

Aziraphale slowly started to approach Crowley. Not wanting to startle them, he called their name a few times before he put his hand on their shoulder. This wasn't enough to break Crowley from their trance. So Aziraphale got on the couch next to Crowley and wrapped his arms around them. Aziraphale rocked along with Crowley and tried to say comforting phrases in their ear. After a few moments Crowley snapped out of their trance. Only to whip around and look at Aziraphale. 

C: Aziraphale, what am I going to do? How could he have found me? Why would he come here? Do you think he knows where I live? Or where I work? Will he go there? Will he…”  
A: Crowley! Take a breath. How do you know those men? Who are they?  
Taking a deep breath in Crowley began explaining the situation to Aziraphale.   
C: That was Ligur and Hestur. I dated Ligur and Hestur is his best friend.   
A: Oh I see. He seems like a rather unpleasant ex. But why is he looking for you?  
Crowley let out a large breath and began again.   
C: Ligur and I didnt have the healthiest relationship. I am not really sure why he’s looking for me. I thought we settled everything in court. The restraining order should have scared him from coming anywhere near me.   
A: Oh my dear, I am so sorry. If you have a restraining order against him we should call the police. 

Crowley agreed as long as Aziraphale stayed with them for support. The police took a statement and would put a warrant out for Ligur, but Crowley wasn’t hopeful that this would actually stop Ligur. After they hung up, Crowley looked at Aziraphale, they looked a bit like all the energy had been drained from their body and like a scared child. Crowley didn't have to say anything. Aziriphale already knew.   
A: I’ll come stay with you at yours as long as you need me to.   
C: Really? How did you know I was going to ask you?  
A: Call it intuition   
C: Thank you, you only need to stay until Belz or Dagon can come stay with me, or the police confirm they arrested him. 

***   
Once inside Crowley’s apartment, they gave Aziraphale the grand tour. Aziraphale wasn’t too keen on the modern aesthetic of the apartment, he thought it seemed too cold, but then again Crowley just got out of an abusive relationship, maybe they needed the sterile environment. Then Crowley showed Aziraphale their plants. They were the most beautiful flowers Aziraphale had ever seen. 

A: Incredible! You have created your own little garden of eden in your flat.   
C: I don’t know about eden but they have been looking a lot more happy since we left Ligur.   
A: I am glad both of you have been doing better since you left that monster.   
C: You know, he wasn’t that bad when I met him.   
A: They never are my dear.   
C: Aziraphale I…   
A: I should go put my toothbrush in the bathroom.   
C: Right. 

Aziraphale went to put his toiletries bag in the bathroom. While he was putting his stuff away Crowley went to go put a kettle on for some tea. 

A: Crowley are you hungry?   
C: Eh I could eat.   
A: Do you want to get takeaway?   
C: Actually Angel that’s a great idea.   
A: Well, I wouldn’t call it a great idea…  
C: No, it’s a brilliant idea. Think about it Angel, I asked you to stay over with me, we get takeout, watch a movie, we can have a proper slumber party.   
A: Crowley are you going to persuade me to have a pillow fight with me?   
C: Well not with that attitude, Angel. Maybe we’ll just have to play truth or dare or maybe spin the bottle. So, what kind of pizza is good around here?   
A: (Did they just say spin the bottle? With just the two of us?) What? Oh ugh I know a lovely little place I’ll order it.  
***   
The pizza was delivered as they made themselves comfortable on the couch. Or as comfortable as they could, the couch was definitely more for aesthetics than comfort. Aziraphale was not looking forward to sleeping on the couch, but he was willing to do anything Crowley needed. 

Crowley went to the other room to answer a call and make some more phone calls. Aziraphale is left looking around the living room. Oh they have a bookshelf. Aziraphale wondered what Crowley likes to read. To no one’s surprise Crowley had a lot of books on astronomy and astrophysics, along with books about plants. But what surprised Aziraphale was the children's books. Books from Shel Silverstein and one of Aziraphale’s favorites Winnie the Pooh by A. A. Milne. Aziraphale picked up the book and sat on the couch and started to read. 

Once finished with the calls, Crowley walked back to be with Aziraphale. But they stopped in their tracks once they laid eyes on the angelic man reading Winnie the Pooh. Crowley could have watched Aziraphale reed for a lifetime. But eventually Aziraphale noticed. 

A: How did the calls go dear?   
C: Oh, yeah ugh, unfortunately Dagon and Belz can’t come stay with me for a week. But I don’t want to trouble you and…   
A: Crowley! You are absolutely no trouble and I will stay the whole week with you if you need me too.   
C: (blushing) Oh um, that would be lovely. But only if you don’t mind.   
A: Not at all my dear. Did you talk with the police?   
C: Yeah they made a note and told me to make a note of the time and place and any other times he tries to find me or contact me.   
A: They’re not going to do anything about him.   
C: Ligur knows how to avoid the police. He’s been avoiding the restraining order and the court orders.   
A: Is there anything I can do?   
C: You have already done so much.   
A: Crowley, can I ask you something?   
C: Anything, Angel.   
A: Why do you have children’s books, are they from your youth?   
C: Haha. Not my childhood but, it was for Warlock. The kid I nannied for.   
A: You were a nanny?   
C: Yup Nanny Ashtoreth. I did it while I was in school. I could watch Warlock during the days and take classes at night while he slept. I did this till he was almost 11 and I got my first teaching job.   
A: Nanny Ashtoreth?   
C: Oh yeah, Ashtoreth is my birth name. I still needed to go by my birth name for legal reasons and decided to legally change it when he was around five. He always just called me nanny but his mother insisted on calling me Ashtoreth even after I changed it to Aj.   
A: What a horrid woman.   
C: I mean she did name her child Warlock. 

The two sat on the sofa and laughed. The time was getting late. Aziraphale was starting to question how he was going to maneuver his body to make it kinda comfortable. 

C: Alright, I think it’s time for bed. Coming?   
A: Where am I going?   
C: Oh I just thought, well the couch isn’t that comfortable and you did say this was a sleepover…  
A: Are you asking me to sleep in your bed with you?   
C: I mean you can sleep above the covers, and we’ll both have pajamas on, and…   
A: Of course Crowley, you have had a traumatic day.   
C: Yes, you’re right. 

So the two of them walked back to the bedroom. Aziraphale decided to change in the bathroom. He didn’t want to undress in front of Crowley. He couldn’t imagine what Crowley would think of his soft body with the stretch marks. And Crowley changed in their bedroom cursing themselves for binding for so long. What were they going to do? They couldn’t bind, but Aziraphale has only seen them with a flat chest. So they decided to run around their room and hid all their binders, packers, and any sex toy they had out. Then before Aziraphale came back they would hide under the blankets and try to flatten their chest the best they could and hoped he wouldn’t notice.

Aziraphale walked into the room and noticed the uncomfortable feeling and if he was being honest he was also adding to it. So, he crawled into bed and the two said goodnight before they both stared at opposition walls hoping the other didn’t notice the parts of their bodies they were self conscious about.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just... I am sorry. Angst.

Aziraphale woke up just as the sun was starting to peak over the horizon. At some point while he was sleeping he actually got to relax and had a decent night sleep. It also helped that Crowley had one of the comfiest beds he had ever had the pleasure of sleeping in. He tried to do a little stretch and heard a quiet groan. It was then that he realized that at some point that he had rolled onto his back and Crowley had rolled and was lying on his chest. 

Aziraphale didn’t want to disturb Crowley, so he just ran his fingers through the copper hair and he would have sworn that Crowley purred. For a few minutes Aziraphale forgot about most of his body weight anxieties and just enjoyed being so close to Crowley. He was so relaxed he fell back asleep. 

When he woke up the second time Crowley was gone. 

****   
When Crowley woke up the day was still new and the sun had only been up for an hour or so. This was the best sleep they had ever had. But what had been so different. Well maybe it was the fact that they were literally lying on Aziraphale’s chest. When Crowley realized this they shot up, so they were no longer on top of Aziraphale. Aziraphale frowned a little in his sleep. Crowley couldn’t help but notice Aziraphale’s cute little frown and just how peaceful the angel looked fast asleep in their bed. 

Then Crowley made the mistake of looking down and all the derogatory things Ligur spat at the bookshop spilled back in their head. They immediately felt self conscious and figured it was time to get dressed and make some breakfast. 

*****

Aziraphale got out of bed to investigate where Crowley got too. The two sat and drank tea together. Neither of them wanted to embarrass the other and talk about how amazing they slept cuddled up with one another. Aziraphale decided not to open the shop and to just be there for Crowley. Crowley had some errands to run before classes started. 

While they were running errands Crowley got a call from the police. They said they were still not able to find Ligur and give him the paperwork. They also informed Crowley that the court date was moved up ahead to the end of the week. Crowley got off the phone and stood defeated in the department store. 

A: What's the matter, Crowley.   
C: They say they still can’t find him and that our court date has been moved to the end of this week.   
A: That BASTARD!... Sorry but he is.   
C: Angel, I don’t think I’ve never heard you call anyone a bastard. But you are right, he is a right bastard.   
***   
The pair decided it was time to get some food to go and go back to Crowley’s flat. Back inside Crowley’s chest started to hurt. It wasn’t bad enough that the police phone call caused their chest to feel heavy with anxiety, but they were also binding for far too long. As Aziraphale was putting the food down, Crowley slipped away to go change. 

Crowley was more concerned about getting their binder off that they forgot to shut the door behind them. 

A: What’s that? 

Startled, Crowley spun around, held the binder up to cover their chest. 

C: Ngh! Oh, ugh, It’s my chest binder.   
A: Oh, I am quite terribly sorry, I didn’t realize you were changing. 

Aziraphale quickly ran out of the room. Both of them had an embarrassing blush bloom across their faces. Crowely eventually changed into their pajamas, and went into the living room, where Aziraphale was sitting in awkward silence staring at his shoes. 

They ate their dinners in silence, neither knowing what to say. That was until they both tried to talk at the same time. 

A: Oh, I am so sorry my dear. You can go first.   
C: Uh, thanks angel. I guess not all of what Ligur said was a lie.   
A: Crowley, you stop that this instant! You are you. If wearing a binder makes you feel more like yourself and makes you happy, than that's all that matters. Fuck what that imbecile said about you! You are not a woman and you never were, no matter what anyone tried to tell you! 

Crowley stared at Aziraphale with wide eyes that began to fill with tears. They had nothing to say to him. They just felt overwhelmed with acceptance and understanding. Crowley got up and hugged Aziraphale, tightening their grip on him as if he was going to escape. Crowley kneeled in front of Aziraphale, still holding on tight, cried on Aziraphale’s shoulder and sobbed thank you in his ear, over and over again. 

Aziraphale got Crowley to calm down a little bit. Aziraphale looked at Crowley’s red, worn eyes and tear stained face, and told them it was time for bed. But Crowley declined and wanted to take a shower. Aziraphale agreed. Aziraphale changed into his pajamas in the bedroom. When finished he got into bed and decided to read a book while waiting for Crowley to get out of the bathroom. 

Aziraphale was halfway through the book and Crowley was still not in bed. Now, Aziraphale was a fast reader, but he did think Crowley was spending an awfully long time in the shower. Curiosity got the better of Aziraphale and he went to the bathroom door to check on Crowley. He put his ear against the door and heard a faint whimpering cry through the sound of the shower. Instead of knocking, Aziraphale’s caring mind went into overdrive and all he was concerned with was comforting Crowley and making sure they were safe. 

So he entered the bathroom and there in the shower curled up in a fetal position whimpering to themself was Crowley. Without hesitation and without a sound, Aziraphale went into the shower, pajamas in all, and went right to Crowley. He let the water drip around him as he pulled Crowley into his chest. Crowley was a little startled at this, but accepted being brought closer to Aziraphale’s chest. After a few minutes, Aziraphale was able to calm Crowley down a little and Crowley still stayed with their arms to their chest to make them appear more flat chested. They still didn’t want Aziraphale to see them without a binder, or at the very least a shirt. Crowley was still very self conscious about their chest and would rather Aziraphale see them after top surgery. But no matter, Aziraphale turned off the water, grabbed two towels, one for himself and one to scoop Crowley in. Aziraphale wrapped himself in a towel, then wrapped Crowley in the other. He carried the snifiling Crowley into the bedroom and placed them on the bed. 

Aziraphale, still in his now soaking wet pajamas, decided he couldn’t take care of Crowley, without first getting into dry clothes. So since Crowley was safely on the bed, Aziraphale went over to his bag, took out some clean boxers and started to strip out of his wet pajamas. Once in his dry boxers, he went over to check on Crowley. The negative thoughts he had around his stomach were drowned out of his head with his concern for Crowley. 

Then Aziraphale grabbed Crowley a shirt and pair of boxers from their dresser and left the room so Crowley could get dressed and not feel self conscious. Aziraphale turned off all the lights in the apartment and turned off the tv. This gave Crowley plenty of time to change. So Aziraphale knocked first, then grabbed the two towels, tucked Crowley into bed, hung the towels in the bathroom, then climbed into bed himself. He shut the side table light off and shimmied beside Crowley and proceeded to spoon them. 

Crowley was in such awe of the actions the man next to him did. This man they had only known for about a month or so. A man that dropped everything to be there with them. A man that has taken the time to learn, understand, and accept them. A man that was now comforting them, and the only thing they could whisper was “thank you”. 

*** 

The next morning after some breakfast, the pair went by Aziraphale’s shop so he could grab more clothes. But on arrival at the bookshop they discovered that at some point within the last few days someone had vandalized the front of the shop. As they got closer they could see the true extent of the damage. Spray painted on the windows were homophobic slurs like fag, and across the doors read “fag and the whore”. The two stood in shock and disbelief looking at the book shop. After a moment Aziraphale opened the door, walked to behind the counter and called the police. Crowley followed, both looked at each other and they both knew, this had to be the work of Ligur. 

The police were not much help, but said they would “look into it”, but the pair were not hopeful. Aziraphale called a service to have some cleaners come out tomorrow and clean the front. It was at this time that Crowley couldn’t help but blame themself. So without saying a word they left. 

***

Crowley arrived back at their place only to find Ligur sitting on their couch.   
Ligur: Hello princess, miss me?  
C: Ligur. What are you doing here?  
L: What, don’t like the surprise? Oh and where’s that new beau of yours, hm? Admiring my art?  
C: You son of a bitch leave him out of this! He has no part between us.   
L: Well if that faggot thinks he can come in here and start fucking my girlfriend, he’s got another thing coming.   
C: I am NOT your girlfriend! Or anyone’s for that matter. Considering I am not a girl and you just keep making yourself look stupider. 

Ligur angrily rushes up and pins Crowley against the wall.

L: Listen here bitch, you were born a girl and have all the hardware. To anyone that can see you are a girl. From your biology to your gender. There are only two genders, me and your little fag are dudes and you and that bitch Belz are chicks. Got it?   
C: Shut up Ligur, you don’t know anything.   
*Ligur slaps Crowley in the face*  
L: Listen bitch, I know you are a girl who has made this facade about yourself because mommy and daddy didn’t love you. But for fucks sake, get over yourself. Just get over it. Who didn’t have some trauma growing up? So, go dress up all pretty and put some makeup on and maybe if you're good, I’ll take you out for some ice cream, kay? 

Like their knight in beat up armor, Aziraphale grabbed Ligur from behind and threw him off of Crowley. 

A: Get the fuck out of here Ligur.  
L: Oh good the fag is here. What, are you mad that I am revisiting my trash?   
*Aziraphale punches Ligur in the face. While Crowley watches in disbelievement.*   
L: Ohh nice punch tuby, nice to see you have it in you. Okay I’ll go, so you can be left alone with my sloppy seconds.   
*Ligur starters to leave, but before he can get to the elevator Crowley runs to their door.*   
C: I’ll see your ass in court on Friday.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is for anyone who has ever been misgendered! You are strong and beautiful!

Aziraphale pulled Crowley in for a long embrace. 

A: You left,   
C: I am sorry   
A: Why   
C: I didn’t want to make things worse.  
A: I don’t care about things, I care about you.  
C: I care about you too and I don’t want you to get involved in all this mess with Ligur.   
A: But at the moment my dear that is where you are. So that is where I want to be.  
Crowley looks deep into those crystal blue eyes, as a blush starts to form on both of their faces.   
C: You want to be with me?  
A: Of course my dear, through the good and the bad. No matter how you’ll have me.  
C: How I’ll have you? You’re already an angel for dealing with all of this mess with me, can I have you on a silver platter too.  
A: If that would make you laugh I’d wear a funny hat for you too Crowley.   
They both gave a little chuckle as their bodies started to move closer to the others.   
C: Would you hate it if I kissed you?   
A: I want nothing more than to kiss. Honestly, I’ve wanted to kiss you since I first laid my eyes on you.   
With a small chuckle Crowley replied with a “you should have” 

They both chuckled as Aziraphale moved closer to Crowley to fill the gap between them. 

The kiss was how everyone thinks kissing your soulmate will feel. It was explosive, gave them butterflies in their stomachs, walk into walls and forget their own damn names, kind of kiss. 

The kiss only lasted a few seconds and was soft and sweet. But for Crowley and Aziraphale they had waited a lifetime for the acceptance and love they felt in that kiss. 

*****   
After they kissed they decided to stay in a hotel for a few nights. The hotel was nice enough but the bed was definitely not as comfortable as Crowley’s but they were making due with what they had. They had started to feel more comfortable cuddling with each other. Their kisses continued to be soft and sweet. And that was perfect for the time being. 

***   
The day had finally come. Court day. Crowley fidgeted nervously with the hem of their shirt. Aziraphale took their hands into his own. He kissed them before looking into those terrified golden amber eyes. 

A: Everything will be okay my love. I’ll be right there with you. No matter what happens today we will get through it together.   
C: You’re right angel, thanks. 

They kissed and headed to the court. 

*** 

Crowley was a nervous mess sitting next to Aziraphale waiting for their case number to be called. There was still no sign of Ligur. But Crowley knew not to hold their breath about him actually showing. 

The judge called their case number and then the defendant and the plaintiffs' names. Crowley stood up, left Aziraphale’s side, and approached the Judge. 

C: I am AJ Crowley.   
Judge: Hello Ms. Crowley. Do you see Mr. Ligur here today?

It stung Crowley a little to hear the Judge call them miss, but it didn’t bother them as much as it bothered Aziraphale. 

C: No your honor I do not.   
Judge: Well we shall give him a minute. 

Just then the phone near the stenographer started to ring. It was one of the clerks. They told the judge that Ligur had just been arrested for petty theft and wouldn't be in court. 

Judge: So, Ligur will not be joining us because he is at the police station on an unrelated incident. Now with that being said Ms. Crowley I am going to postpone this hearing until he is released. This case is dismissed. 

***   
Crowley and Aziraphale went back to the hotel. Without blatantly specifying the need, Aziraphale still knew that Crowley needed all of the cuddles. So there they were, Crowley nestled close to Aziraphale’s chest as he kissed their forehead and whispered soothing words into their ear. 

Crowley cried, trying to keep it to themself but failing, and Aziraphale tried to assure them that since Ligur was locked up that would mean he wasn’t going to be bothering them for a little while. Crowley got all of their tears out before Aziraphale apologized. 

A: I am sorry my love.  
C: what could you possibly be sorry for? You have been nothing but sweet and loving.  
A: I am sorry that the judge called you miss. Don't they know that you are not a miss. Can’t that be listed in the files, your preferred pronouns and titles.   
C: Aziraphale it’s okay, it happens. The judge didn’t know. And they aren’t like Ligur who uses female pronouns to attack me. But thank you for your concern, this is just something I have learned to deal with.   
A: You still shouldn’t have to deal with this kind of stuff my love.   
C: You are very sweet angel. Hey, how about we get out of here and celebrate this slight win.   
A: Okay my dear. I know this fun little bar that has decent food and live entertainment.   
C: That sounds perfect, angel. 

*** 

The pair headed out a few blocks away to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies Bar. Crowley had never heard of this place, let alone been here but they trusted the angel and figured the live entertainment would be something like karaoke, or knowing Aziraphale, a dinner play. However, they were very thrown off guard when they walked through the door and saw a seven foot drag queen lip syncing to Britney Spears’ Toxic. 

C: Angel is this a drag bar?  
A: Well they only put on shows on the weekends, on the other nights of the week its like any other LGBTQ bar. 

Before Crowley could comprehend that their sweat angel had just brought them to a gay bar to see a drag show a voice boomed from across the bar. “Is that Raphael I see standing in the doorway? Who let that queen back in here?” Crowley paused confused as to who Raphael was. But then Aziraphale started to yell back, “Agness you know you can never truly get rid of THE southern pansy”. Agness laughed and waved them to come to the bar with her. 

Crowley was a little in shock at what had happened, but followed Aziraphale anyway. Crowley couldn’t believe the smile and confidence that Aziraphale had in this place. It's like they went through a portal to a different dimension. 

At the bar there were two people the Crowley could see. One (who Crowley assumed to be Agness) was older, had a great lace front brunet wig on and caked on makeup. The other person (Crowley could tell this was an assigned female at birth) had a more hipstery vibe with big glasses and assumed to be one of the bartenders. 

A: Crowley, I would like to introduce you to the fabulous Agness Nutter. And the bar wrench is none other than Anathema Device. Agness, Anathema, please let me introduce you to the wonderful Crowley. 

Shyly Crowley responded with a hushed hello.

Agness: Oh so this is that Crowley you have been spending so much time with. Well they sure are a cutie, Raphael.   
A: Now Agness I am not all glamified. I am just Aziraphale this evening.   
Agness: Oh okay cutie whatever you want to go by is fine. But I don’t care about you, let me see that cutie on your arm…

For some strange reason Crowley was nervous around these people. Is it because they were finally meeting some of Aziraphale’s friends? Either way Crowley moved closer to Agness. 

Agness: Ohh give us a spin honey, you are working the spooky vibes in all that black. 

Crowley did a little twirl as a blush started to grow on their face. But they did happen to see the slight dopey happy grin Aziraphale had on his face. That made Crowley’s heart skip a beat. Their angel was so adorable. 

Agness: Ugh I wish I could find a good wig in your hair color!   
Crowley: Ngh, it's um all natural.   
Aziraphale saw how nervous Crowley was so he decided to take their hand in his own, to make sure Crowley knew he was right there with them. (No matter what.) 

Agness: Oh Shit! I am up next!! Crowley you have to be up front!!   
While Crowley was trying to think of a response, Azirapahle stepped in and said “We’ll be there Agness, just let us order some drinks first. 

Agness: Okay you better! 

Agness disappeared behind a black curtain to get ready behind stage. 

The pair turned back to Anathema and Aziraphale ordered two glasses of wine and some shareable plates of food for the two of them. They found a booth near the front but off to the side. Crowley couldn’t believe this new side of Aziraphale that this place brought out. He was so confident. 

C: So uh who is Raphael?   
Aziraphale howls with laughter at their question.   
A: My drag performer persona’s name is Raphael. I am sorry I didn’t tell you that sooner. You must have been quite confused, my dear. But I was afraid if I told you sooner you would think it was strange. But ever since we kissed I wanted you to know and I wanted to introduce you to my drag family. This place was a safe haven for me when I was going through a rough patch in my life. 

C: Oh Aziraphale I would never think something like this was strange. Especially if it helped you. But now you will definitely have to show me!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends, I am absolutely obsessed with thinking about Aziraphale in drag. If you are an artist or a writer I would love to see/ read your own views of Raphael (Aziraphale in drag). If you do please let me know! my personal instagram is world_according_to_el or my tiktok is @29raccoons or let me know on here! Happy reading! 
> 
> Also you are going to hate me for the ending but just hold tight for the steamy parts.

They grabbed a table close to the stage but off to the side. They watched the show and ate their bar snacks. Crowley couldn’t believe how amazing the show was and Aziraphale couldn’t believe how the lights hit Crowley’s eyes from behind their glasses. Aziraphale reached over and gave Crowley some one pound notes to give to the performers. Crowley gratefully took the notes and loved interacting with the drag queens. 

After the show Aziraphale and Crowley went backstage to talk with Agnes and the rest of the girls. They laughed and Aziraphale and Agnes retold stories of crazy nights and adventures they have shared. 

But it was getting late and the pair decided they should go back to the hotel. 

On the walk back Aziraphale told Crowley some the most outrageous stories from when he still performed. And some other stories from when he was younger.   
Crowley was absolutely infatuated with the words coming out of Aziraphale’s mouth and the confidence he was exuding. 

***

Crowley was in complete awe at how Azirapahale sparkled at the bar tonight. They were really in love with him. An animalistic sense filled Crowley. Once the pair was back in the hotel room, Crowley pushed Aziraphale up against the door. They grabbed onto the lapels of Aziraphale’s jacket and attacked his mouth with theirs. It startled Aziraphale a little at first, what with Crowley’s abrasiveness and all, but once Aziraphale realized what was going on he participated a hundred percent. 

Aziraphale could feel himself getting harder and decided to lift Crowley up and bring them over to the bed. The feeling of being swept off their feet surprised and delighted Crowley. Aziraphale might not look it but under his softness was a strong muscular being. And a hot one at that. 

They continued to snog on the bed. Crowley started to undo the buttons Aziraphale’s shirt. While Aziraphale worked to take off Crowley’s jacket. They finally had to stop and catch their breath for a moment. Aziraphale was on top of Crowley as they both peered into eachothers eyes. 

Unfortunately this was also the time Crowley’s brain started to fill in the blanks of what comes next. They went into a complete panic. Their body was not how they wanted it let alone the kind of body that Aziraphale is attracted to. At this realization Crowley promptly pushed Aziraphale to the side and locked themself in the bathroom. 

A little stunned at this it took Aziraphale a moment to try and figure out what had happened. Had he done something wrong? So Aziraphale got up and knocked on the bathroom door. 

A: Crowley are you all right? Is something the matter? Have I done something wrong?   
From the other side of the door Crowley sat on the floor of the bathroom trying to calm their nerves.   
C: No Angel you have done nothing wrong. I am what's wrong.   
A: Is there anything I can do to help my dear? Do you need anything? 

Chuckling to themselves Crowley whispered “yeah cut off my fucking titties”. But instead Crowley just responded with “No angel I am alright”. 

Aziraphale didn’t go anywhere. He gave Crowley a little time but never left. He slumped down and sat against the bathroom door. He could hear Crowley mumbling to themself and crying. Deep down Aziraphale knew this wasn’t about him but the years of abuse and self hatred thought differently. 

A: Crowley, was this too fast for you? Or did you question kissing me after you did? 

When Crowley heard this they couldn’t help but focus on the fact that that perfect angel on the other side of the door was starting to doubt his own perfectness. So Crowley got up, whiped away their tears, opened the door, and hugged Aziraphale. 

C: Aziraphale you are magnificent and I don't want you to ever think I regret kissing you. Kissing you is a million times better than heaven. If I could I would never stop kissing you because having you come into my life is the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

Aziraphale started to cry in Crowley’s arms. No one had ever said such nice things to him and the stranger thing was, he believed that Crowley meant everything they said. 

C: I love you Aziraphale and I am sorry I have ruined everything and my actions made you believe that you were the problem. You are so far from the problem, you are perfect, I am the problem. 

A: Thank you Crowley, but stop it. You are not the problem and you have not ruined anything. Now talk to me. Tell me what happened. 

Aziraphale motioned them to the bed where they sat together. 

C: I understand if you don't want to keep doing whatever this is, I’ll understand.  
A: Oh I don’t believe that will be an issue but please continue.   
C: While you were on top of me I realized my body is probably not what you are expecting.   
A: Oh Crowley. I am worried about you seeing my body too. But something tells me this is more than just body insecurities. Is this because you have a feminine body? 

Crowley just put their head down and looked away from Aziraphale’s gaze. 

A: Crowley I am not stupid. I know you have female anatomy and as such, female sex organs.   
C: God angel, I am sure that there are better ways of putting that, but yeah. You have only ever really seen me with my binder on. Or at the very least with an oversized tee shirt on. 

A: Okay Crowley we don’t have to do anything. If it would make you more comfortable I could get a separate room or…

C: No please don’t go! Ngh, I just don’t feel comfortable in this body. How could I expect you to like it, if I don’t even like it. 

A: Crowly, I love you. I love you in this body and I will love you in a body that makes you more comfortable. I will support you with whatever changes you make to your body. And I will love you regardless. I just want you to be happy, healthy, safe, and loved. I would love you regardless of what you look like, but if I may request something? Please don’t dye your hair. I am absolutely infatuated with your hair. 

This made Crowley laugh and relax a little. 

C: Thank you angel. I love you. And I want you to know I love your body and we are not done discussing your own issues with your body. But we can talk about that later. 

A: Thank you my dear. And I will let you take the lead on anything we do that’s more than snogging and what parts of your body you will allow me to see. 

C: Sooo can we go back to kissing? 

A: Absolutely! But first let's talk about our boundaries for tonight. 

C: That's a great idea angel. Let’s see, for tonight I am comfortable with kissing. Kissing my face, neck.. please, my lips (obviously), and my arms and legs if you want. You can put your hands on my waist, back, arms, hands, legs, and shoulders. I just think you should stay away from my chest and ugh yeah between my legs. 

A: I am agreeable to that. I would quite like it if you would kindly keep your hands off my stomach.   
Now dear how about clothes? 

C: Um, I would rather keep my binder on and my boxers on. 

A: That’s perfectly fine my love. I would rather keep my undershirt and boxers on too. 

C: Um, Aziraphale, I do have one question. 

A: Sure my dear, anything. 

C: Well I was just wondering if since you said that just your stomach was off limits if you might want me to give you a blow job or a hand job? 

Aziraphale’s face went bright red with this question. And it was his turn to be tongue tied. 

A: oh, um, well, see the thing is… hmmm… you see I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to it. But I would never want to pressure you into it. Or feel like you had to. To compensate or just out of pity, or… or… 

C: Aziraphale your rambling. And I know you would never force me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable in doing. So lucky for both of us, I certainly wouldn't mind getting to taste you. 

Aziraphale could barely breathe, let alone process what actions were about to take place.


End file.
